January 07, 2002 :: 2:21 a.m.
introducing Destructo Girl
I got my first google hit tonight. You know what it was for? "Man thinks he's a tree." I was the second of two websites listed.
Huzzah!
That makes me all happy for some reason. Or maybe it just amuses me to think that some poor sap did a search for "man thinks he's a tree" and all he turned up was Yahoo! News and my diary.
I'm beginning to become a little irritated with Adam. No, actually, irritation began two days ago. It has now morphed into a bit of really fucking pissed off. I'm beginning to wonder if he's dead. You'd think someone would have the courtesy to inform me of that, though. His family is aware of my existence, and I'm rather sure that one of them has my phone number. So that rules that out. It's not even that I want a long conversation or anything; just a quick call would suffice. You know, just a little something to say that yes, he is still alive, and that yes, I do still have a boyfriend, and that yes, he is eventually coming home and that yes, he is indeed very sorry for having completely FUCKING BLOWN ME OFF.
I am working myself into a rage. I should really stop that.
It's very easy to annoy me. It takes nothing to make me momentarily pissed off. But there are very few people who can make me mad. Adam is one of them. He usually doesn't even know he did anything, because boys are big dorks and also because I'm over-sensitive and don't talk about anything. But he has to know that I'm mad about something. He's known me long enough to be able to distinguish between normal me and seething-with-hatred me. It's not that hard once you get the hang of it. Anyway, the reason that he has such a power over me is because I care about him. I care what he thinks. It's important that I know that he cares about me, too, and that he's not getting horribly sick of me. So when I'm mad at him it's usually because I feel like those statements are questionable. Like maybe he doesn't really care about me. That's precisely why I'm so mad right now, because this is the longest I have ever gone without speaking to him. Ever. Including times when we've been mad at each other. And he said he was going to call me. He quieted my protests and told me that he would call me from Connecticut. But he hasn't. Obviously. I have a serious issue with that. If you say you're going to call me, then fucking call me. If you're not, then don't even bother saying it because you're just going to piss me off.
GRRRRR.
I am such a confused individual. I must stop talking about this before I turn into Destructo Girl and demolish something. Like a random stranger on the street. If I was an evil person with super powers, I'd probably be flying around with a big laser gun, picking people off left and right. It's a good thing I'm as guilty as I am violent. Honestly.
I drew a picture of myself tonight. I scanned it and colored it in Photoshop, too. This is how bored I have been. It actually sort of looks like me, too. Like the real me, even - not just me as I wish I looked. It's here if you want to see it. My ears don't really stick out like that. I just like to draw big sticky outy ears for some reason. Sadly, though, I actually do look that bored most of the time.
On a completely different note, the snow has finally stopped. I'm hoping it won't start up again tomorrow, because I really need to get out of this house. I need some human interaction.
God. I never thought I'd say that. I must go wash my mouth out with soap now.
back & forth
Wait, there's more!
I like pina coladas - March 30, 2005
must... finish... projects... - March 22, 2005
Mr. Postman delivers the good stuff - March 18, 2005
when everything is bad - March 16, 2005
of fruits and menstruation - March 15, 2005