March 04, 2002 :: 1:34 a.m.
don't you think I'd taste good?
It's strange how things can rise and fall in terms of importance in no time at all. Last night/this afternoon I was ready to spit fire at Adam. Now I just want to cuddle the hell out of him... which is normally what I want to do. In other words, all is well in Relationship Land. Woo!
We drove up to the top of Lamb's Gap Road and laid in the backseat and sort of talked for a while. By "sort of talked" I mean exactly that - he attempted to extract a reason for my irritation, and though I really did want to tell him, I couldn't. I don't know why. I never can. I sat here, waiting for him to pick me up, going over all the things I wanted to say. I even practiced saying some of it out loud. Sad and pathetic? Yes. Necessary? Definitely. However, it didn't help. Once I was actually faced with the task of explaining myself, I couldn't do it. The words were there but they wouldn't come out. *sigh* I seriously don't know what my dysfunction is, but it really needs to stop. It causes problems not only with the most important person in my life, but with everyone else, too. You see, it's not selective. I'm incapable of discussing anything with anyone. Well, I can discuss some things. I can talk at great lengths about random, unimportant bullshit. I'm very good at that. Humorous conversation? I'm your girl, so long as it's with the right people. But as soon as it comes time to talk about my thoughts or feelings or opinions... ooooh no. *shakes head* Not going to happen, sorry. I have plenty of opportunity to talk, and lots of willing ears, but for some reason I just can't do it.
Which sucks.
Anyway. After a bit of pseudo-talking on the mountain, we went to Blockbuster and rented a Korean film called 301/302. I wanted Kiki's Delivery Service, because it makes me giddy and happy, but alas, they didn't have it. 301/302 is one of the weirdest movies I have ever seen. I don't know if I'd watch it again, but I'm glad I saw it. Bizarre things are always nice. The movie ended at about midnight, at which point Adam brought me home because his mother would surely have a brain aneurysm if he wasn't home before she fell asleep. Seriously. His mom is a great person and nothing but nice to me, but in all honesty, if she were my mother I'd kill her. Perhaps it's just because my parents have always been so loose and unrestrictive with me, but the thought of asking my mom or dad if I can go somewhere or having them tell me when to be home is just... ugh. Adam (brother) got into a lot of trouble when he was my age and younger; I mean hell, he's in prison, what more can I say? But they know I'm not like that. They know I'm not going to do anything stupid, and so I've always just done as I pleased. If I'm leaving I just say goodbye on my way out; if I feel like staying at someone's house, I do. They don't worry if I'm not home by a certain time or even a certain day. Two summers ago, I spent weeks at a time at Joe's apartment. I would call maybe once every two weeks, just to assure them that I was still alive. No one cared. That's just how it's always been.
*attempting to remember what I was talking about... please wait...*
Ah. Yes. In short... clingy, protective parents freak me out. But hey, to each their own and what not. Whatever gets your rocks off.
Hmm. There's an abundance of tapioca pudding in the fridge and I think I may have to eat some of it. You know, before it... goes bad. Yeah. Yum. Pudding time.
back & forth
Wait, there's more!
I like pina coladas - March 30, 2005
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Mr. Postman delivers the good stuff - March 18, 2005
when everything is bad - March 16, 2005
of fruits and menstruation - March 15, 2005