April 02, 2002 :: 10:41 a.m.
the lemon has rotted and is starting to stink
Mm, okay. I am in the foulest beast of a bad mood. I was last night, and I guess it stuck overnight. I fell asleep fully clothed, at 11:30, which just blows. Boo to falling asleep in jeans. I am feeling incredibly unsociable, even more so than usual, which is nearly unimaginable, and my dad just put on music that makes me want to kill things. Namely him, or myself. Or a random stranger on the street who strikes me as killable.
Speaking of, I had a really bizarre dream last night. Someone resembling Chris (Amanda's ex) was trying to kill me. There were two other people being pursued, also, but since it's my dream they don't matter. I don't know who they were, anyway. But yeah, this Chris-like character went to great lengths to try and dispose of me. He didn't, but it's the thought that counts, right? Marge Simpson was there, too. She won a trip to a high-tech dentist who cleaned her tongue by sucking it into a vacuum tube.
Anyway. Why does Amanda feel like shit? Because Amanda ate way too much bad food yesterday, and is currently feeling like she will never lose any of her fat. She's too weak-willed, you understand, and it makes her feel bad. Also, she was talking to her boyfriend last night, and learned that he's been getting more depressed lately. This makes her feel like poo for a few reasons. She wonder why he doesn't talk to her about things like this, but feels like saying anything to that effect would be gross hypocrisy. She is correct. Then she gets to thinking that if she really meant anything to him, or if he really loved her as much as he says he does, she should be able to make it better. Fix things, as it were. Amanda is perfectly aware of how irrational and idiotic this sort of thinking is, but since when has that changed her mind? Logic means little to her. It hurts her to see the person that she loves unhappy, and the fact that he doesn't tell her, and also that she can't make him happy, makes her feel utterly useless. So she is feeling fat and unloved.
Welcome to Amanda's bad mood.
Er. Too much third-person makes my head hurt. I start to forget who I'm talking about. So I'm going to eat some oatmeal and be bored. Bye.
back & forth
Wait, there's more!
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