April 12, 2004 :: 11:50 p.m.
Can it, Yoda.
I skipped Drawing tonight. I was, erm, "sick." Also, I haven't done my painting. Stupid watercolors. Stupid Shawn for making us PAINT in a DRAWING class. Stupid me for putting everything off until it's piled up on top of me and I can't breathe. Yeah, that wheezing sound you hear? That's the weight of all the things I should be doing squeezing the air out of my lungs.
GAH.
I really need to get over this procrastination thing. I mean, really. I just need to let it go. Embrace accomplishment. Make friends with productivity. Learn to love getting things done. I know I can do it. I may have the self-esteem of a one-eyed sewer rat, but god dammit, there are certain things about myself that I know are irrefutably true. One of them is that if I really put my mind to it, I can do just about anything. Really. If I truly want something, I can generally make it happen. If I really concentrate on getting a job, I bet I'd have one within a two weeks. I've kicked the junky eating habit. I stopped eating meat cold tofurky, all those many years ago. I've been hauling my lazy ass outside three days a week for the last few weeks and going JOGGING. I am a JOGGER. I got into LVC, HACC (although I don't think they really turn anyone down), and PCA&D with nary a hitch in sight. I can do stuff if I try.
I just don't very often, that's all. Try, I mean. Which is probably an issue in and of itself, but for the time being it's irrelevant. Because the point is, I can stop putting shit off if I really want to. And I do. Sort of.
Yeah. Maybe I should work on that wishy-washy, indecisive thing first.
So it's been raining like crazy all day and night, and is supposed to continue to do so until Friday. On Friday, the clouds with part, the sun will shine, and the little birdies will sing us all into a balmy 70-degree weekend of goodness. I'm looking forward to that. I am NOT, however, looking forward to tomorrow morning. Because tomorrow morning I am going to have to drag my sleepy, out of shape butt from the comfort of my soft, warm bed and JOG in the RAIN. The COLD RAIN. And I will have no music or distractions of any kind to pass the time, since Mason takes his to school with him and mine has gone to Personal Audio Heaven. I'm sure they play nothing but soothing classical music there, and no one throws them around or spills juice on them or takes them jogging in the rain. It must be nice.
But I'll go, because I have to. This schedule has been working for me so far, and if I break the schedule I'll probably just stop going altogether. And that's not something I want to do. So off I will trot in my very comfy workout pants (they don't drag on the ground! I love petite stuff.) and my dismally unsuitable running shoes and very probably a hoodie over my not-nearly-supportive-enough sports bra. And I will jog my little heart out, because god dammit, I CAN DO STUFF.
Ahem. I'm just trying to make myself feel better, okay? Leave me to my delusions.
(Welcome to Denial! If you look off to your left, you can see a few of our famous pyramids... )
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Wait, there's more!
I like pina coladas - March 30, 2005
must... finish... projects... - March 22, 2005
Mr. Postman delivers the good stuff - March 18, 2005
when everything is bad - March 16, 2005
of fruits and menstruation - March 15, 2005