June 20, 2003 :: 2:46 a.m.
it's easy to push my buttons - they're large and plentiful
This is going to be short, because I'm beyond tired and am very much looking forward to sleep, but I just had to say something. When I signed onto AOL a few minutes ago, I was greeted with a news story about a Boeing 747 that was stolen from an African airport in May and that is still missing. How, may I ask, does one fail to locate a FUCKING AIRPLANE? They're huge. They fly. It's not like you're looking for a book or a floppy disk or even a kid - it's an enormous metal contraption that soars through the air. Where the fuck are they going to hide it? Under a reeeeally big hedge, or possibly in a woodshed? I mean, jesus. We find tiny little missing kids all the time, but we can't find an airplane? Whatever. I don't know why the ineptitude of the American government still managed to surprise me.
Also, this? That was an infinitely stupid child. Why would swim in something called the Dead River, anyway? There's a link in that article entitled "when animals take human life," to which I say: FUCK HUMAN LIFE. The fact that this article even exists makes me want to hurt everyone on the fucking planet And where's the "when humans take animal life" article, huh? Because that would be a mighty interesting comparison piece, you self-centered, egotistical piles of shit.
According to a five-year study in the journal of Pediatrics, there are 18 fatalities a year on average in the United States from dog attacks.
And we kill HOW many dogs every year? It's sure as fuck more than 18.
Once nearly extinct, mountain lions mounted 37 attacks on hikers in the 1990s, according to researcher Thomas Jay Chester. Seven of those attacks were fatal, he said.
Yes, I'm sure they really gathered in their den and plotted to attack the delicious hikers. And 7 fatal attacks out of 37 over 10 years isn't a lot. That's like 0.7 people killed by mountain lions each year. More people die by ramming toothbrushes down their throats, I'm sure. And doesn't the fact that they were once nearly extinct imply that we, in our wonderful and glorious humanity, must have taken out way more than 0.7 mountain lions a year?
There have been 45 fatal bear attacks in North America since 1900, according to the University of Calgary in Canada.
Bears have killed 45 people in ONE HUNDRED AND THREE YEARS. Better watch out for those guys. They're obviously cold-blooded killers who enjoy seeking out the tender and aromatic flesh of humans on at least a daily basis.
According to estimates by the U.S. Department of Transportation and the insurance industry, collisions between cars and deer result in an average of more than 130 human deaths per year.
It doesn't come cheaply to the deer: Such accidents took the lives of 47,555 deer in Wisconsin alone last year, according to that state's transportation department. The average insurance bill for a deer run-in is $2,100, according to the American Automobile Association.
Where do even begin with the bad?
A) I highly doubt that the deer ever intend the collision to happen. I would instead assume that it's the stupid human controlling the 4-wheeled death machine that causes said collision.
B) 47,555 deer were killed in one state by cars. One. State. If you multiply that out, it comes to roughly 2,377,750 deer killed in one year by cars, and 6,500 humans killed by hitting deer with their cars. Oh, weep for us! We're fading away and will surely become extinct!
C) I cannot fucking stand it when people offer up the cost of car repair as a reason that you should try to avoid hitting deer/large animals.
Fuck humans. I know I'm rambling, I'm sorry. Actually, I'm not sorry. I hate human beings with a fiery passion and I would love to see us wiped off the face of the earth. The closing paragraph of that article talks about mosquitoes and malaria and how it kills thousands of people every year.
Go malaria! Choose malaria! I'm all for whatever gets the job done the fastest.
In closing: I hate people. I love animals. People who have more sympathy for other people than they do for animals should never, ever come near me because I would very likely beat them to death with a shovel that I had previously coated with gasoline and set on fire.
Thank you and goodnight.
back & forth
Wait, there's more!
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