July 01, 2004 :: 12:32 a.m.
coming soon to a theater near you: Nightmare in Swimwear
New layout. Woo! I thought I'd do something summery, since it's, you know, July now. Also, I'm leaving at the butt crack of dawn on Friday for a week at the beach, so it's a timely theme. Now I'll just have to make sure I take it down before it starts to snow.
I like it, I think. Pink is one of my favorites right now. I went bathing suit shopping this evening and longingly fondled many a pink and frilly skirt/dress. It was maddening. I did end up with a suit, though, after much wailing and stomping of my self-esteem by skin-tight lycra and evil dressing room mirrors. I went through 7 places before finding one, too. At the 7th place I found absolutely the perfect thing... but they only had one left, and it was a size 4.
I am many things, but a size 4 is not one of them, unfortunately.
So I made due, trying on suit and hideous, unflattering suit. Here's the deal: one-pieces are all ugly as sin and designed for middle-aged women who like teal and floral prints. Bikinis, which seem to comprise the bulk of the market, are very very tiny, very very cute, and designed for girls who are very, very thin and also probably do not eat. I was in the market for a tankini, 'cause my tummy is not quite ready to see the light of day but I refuse to wear a one-piece on the grounds that they offend my aesthetic sensibilities. Boy-cut bottoms (tiny shorts, basically) were also a preference, because my tights? They are not the slimmest. Tankini with boy-cut bottoms - not such a tall order, right?
Yeah, okay. Have you seen my luck lately? Because I'm fairly sure it's getting the crap beat out of it in an alley by the Universe. Boscov's had a cute one but it was, like, five thousand dollars. Or, you know, $80, but still. Eighty dollars for a frickin' bathing suit? I do not think so. Kohl's had lots of cute things but none of the ones I like matched. The one I liked the most was of the halter-style variety and whoa, it turns out that I am entirely too busty for such things. My family does not need to see that much of my cleavage. It would be creepy.
All of the bathing suits in Sears were ugly as sin. Moving on. Hecht's had 2 cute suits with wonderful tops but horrendously unflattering bottoms. There was nary a boy-cut in sight. J.C. Penny had an abundance of bikinis and a few cute boy-cut bottoms, but no tankini tops to go with them. Old Navy had, if I recall correctly, TWO tankini tops and no boy-cut bottoms. And the tops were shams as it was; you'd have to be, like, a -A cup to romp around in those things. I could tie a bandana around my chest and get better support.
So we ended up at T.J. Maxx, where there were more jealously-inspiring bikinis, more godawful ugly one-pieces, and The Suit, which I drooled and rejoiced over until noticing the size 4 tag. Then I got mad and tried some half-decent things on as a last-ditch effort, because hey, leaving for the beach in less than 48 hours. I ended up getting one suit and then a separate bottom, because the original bottom SO did not go with the top. Even my mom agreed. I don't know what those people were smoking, but... damn. That shit was just wrong.
Anyway. I just spent like 6 paragraphs talking about my bathing suit shopping experience. God. That's a new low, I think. But it leads me to ask this question: what in the bleeding fuck is with the lack of suits for those of us who occasionally, I don't know, EAT something? Because it was like a sea of bikinis, the skimpier the better. Way to make us fat girls feel even worse about ourselves, assholes. I think my self-esteem may have been inching up above -10, so I guess I needed that little reality check. Thanks ever so.
BUT. While at T.J. Maxx I also got what I firmly believe are the best shoes ever. Like, EVAR. Observe (but please ignore my very ugly feet):
Okay, seriously - how could I leave those behind? I absolutely could not, of course. They're cute, and green, and really kind of bizarre. I luff them times infinity.
I could go on, but now, I must sleep. I pick my car up from Circuit City tomorrow, after much trauma and stress. It spent another 4 1/2 hours there this afternoon, only to discover that the CD player was just nine kinds of fucked up. So my dad told me to just buy one from Circuit City and have them put it in, which I appreciate but also feel very guilty about. Worse, though, is that the 100 bucks my mom spent to get the defective player put in to begin with was just a big waste. And it was my birthday present, so... there goes that. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't bitter, but it all worked out in the end I guess. It just cost a lot more and took a whole fucking lot longer than I would have liked.
Ahem. What was I saying about sleep? Sleep is good. I think I'll go there now. Wish me happy dreams.
back & forth
Wait, there's more!
I like pina coladas - March 30, 2005
must... finish... projects... - March 22, 2005
Mr. Postman delivers the good stuff - March 18, 2005
when everything is bad - March 16, 2005
of fruits and menstruation - March 15, 2005