July 17, 2003 :: 8:20 a.m.
a very unhappy birthday to me
Well, so much for happy birthdays. I think I'll just skip mine next year, because yesterday? Was just really depressing. Adam was wonderful and sweet and he did everything he could do (he made me a cake!), but he couldn't make up for the fact that no one else gave a shit. More of his family members wished me a happy birthday than mine. I have six siblings, and none of them called. I saw my mom for five minutes. My dad didn't even bother coming home. I'd be shocked if he remembered at all, actually. Joe and Joe are on a diet, so they didn't join us for cake. Neither did Amanda. I didn't let Adam put candles in it; candles are for parties, and parties require more than two people in attendance.
I don't know. I wasn't expecting a petting zoo and a parade or anything, but it would have been nice to spend some time with people. Like my parents, who are solely responsible for my existence. Or my friends, who might have at least pretended to care. Adam was, as I said, great. I had real wrapped presents and dinner and cake and then I got to sleep over. But as much I know he cares, one person can't make up for everyone else. And it's hard to come to terms with the fact that my family apparently doesn't give a shit about me, especially when the whole notion of family is supposed to be about caring and support and all that sappy bullshit. I should really be used to it by now, I suppose, but I guess I just didn't expect to feel like such an unwanted dishrag on my birthday.
Now I need to ask my mom for money, unfortunately. I hate asking for money, but I need gas and I want to get Adam a little present for today (which happens to be our 32nd monthiversary). I should also shower at some point, but that can wait. I'm not wallowing in filth or anything.
Anyway. Happy June 17th. Eat gummi bears.
back & forth
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