July 26, 2004 :: 12:56 a.m.
please sir, can I have a break?
You know, sometimes living in Dauphin blows. Like tonight. Now, some of you may be aware that I do not like bats.
Well, perhaps that's not the right way to put it. I don't actually dislike bats. Personally, I think they're kind of neat. They're all stealthy with the sonar and they eat a bazillion bugs every nights, so I can't fault them on that level. But there's just something... on some basic level... that scares the piss out of me. I think it may be the whole zooming around my head thing. Same deal with bugs. I can't stand it when things go for my head. Or fly/zoom/buzz/hover near my head at all.
But maybe that doesn't have anything to do with it, since the first time this bat-phobia was revealed all it took was that squeaky noise they make. From way, way, way above my head. I was taking pictures of the tiny graveyard on the Appalachian Trail at 2 a.m. and, upon hearing that squeaky noise, I threw myself to the ground and freaked right the fuck out. Chris Wonders, this guy I had psychology with, was there with me. It must have been really funny to see.
(On a completely unrelated note, I met Chris' older brother Johnny on State Street once. He was wearing a blue sequined dress and heels. It was new.)
Anyway, the point is that bats are not something I go out of my way to encounter. Which is where the suckiness of Dauphin comes in, you see. Dauphin has the largest bat population in the county. We have shitloads of bats. They're everywhere. If you step outside just after sunset you'll see them zipping around all over the place in their erratic way. Joe and Joe found a dead bat on their back deck the other day. And then one in their house. Dead. IN THEIR HOUSE.
[Insert nearly-audible shudder here.]
So yeah, we have lots of bats. I don't really like to go out after sunset around here because of it. But tonight I had to. Buddy was geeking out, clearly trying to convey that going on a walk right that very second was SO important that if I didn't grab a poop bag and hustle my ass out the door immediately he was going to collapse and die of gross neglect. So I harnessed him up and set out, not even really thinking about the bats. But then I saw one zip by my porch. I hesitated, but the dog was all, "COME ON COME ON COME ON! LET'S GO!!!"
Dogs can be such a pain in the ass sometimes.
Long story slightly less long, we got about a block down the road and then I had to make a choice. I could either haul ass back home, Buddy's desire for freedom be damned, or curl up into a fetal ball on the sidewalk and cry until dawn. I chose Plan A, much to Buddy's dismay. He was mightily pissed off at me, he was. I tried to make amends by giving him a plate of some meaty thing that I found in the refrigerator; the jury is still out on the success of that maneuver. Gah. I mean, I felt bad, but damn. The bats were flying around everywhere. Several flew right past my face. MY FACE.
I'm sure you'll agree I had no other option.
Oh, and I managed to get poison ivy on my toe. To which I can only say: WHAT the fuck? I climbed up and down and entire fucking mountain yesterday and I get poison ivy from wearing open-toed sandals to Adam's house. Yeah, okay. That's logical.
So let's recap. My room smells like cat pee. I was on the receiving end of an aerial blitzkrieg o' bats. I have poison ivy on my toe. It's just been the best day EVAR, don't you think?
Yeah, I really better get a phone call from Rodger tomorrow telling me that the apartment is mine if I want it. Because otherwise karma is a bunch of crap and I'm just being bent over and violated (sans lube!) by the universe for fun. Seriously.
back & forth
Wait, there's more!
I like pina coladas - March 30, 2005
must... finish... projects... - March 22, 2005
Mr. Postman delivers the good stuff - March 18, 2005
when everything is bad - March 16, 2005
of fruits and menstruation - March 15, 2005