October 21, 2002 :: 11:51 p.m.
I fear the whole world is starting to believe you
So, it's a few minutes until Tuesday, and I'm sitting here in my bathrobe, listening to Poe and writing in my online diary. With the exception of being in bed with Adam or perhaps winning the lottery, I can't think of too many other things I'd rather being doing. Because I love my little online diary, you know. I think it's very much in need of a new layout, but otherwise... yes. Good diary. You deserve a treat.
I tinkered with Adam's diary earlier, fixing the broken images (his gold membership ran out) and archiving almost a year's worth of entries. It was fun. I like messing with HTML junk, and I like being with him even more, so it was just a good thing. Did I just unintentionally quote Martha Stewart? Why yes, I think I did. Excuse me while I wash my brain out with the harshest soap in existence.
Today has actually been a pretty good day overall, now that I'm thinking about it. I mean, dragging myself out of bed at 6:45 this morning wasn't exactly a high point, but hey. I was having a bad dream anyway, so being up and out of that nasty nightmare world was a welcome change. After I had breakfast and such I felt a wee bit more awake, and Digicom wasn't boring as fuck for once. Actually, it was, because he was covering things that I've known how to do since 1998, but I got to play around in Photoshop for 50 minutes, so it was all good. We were supposed to be making buttons, so buttons I did make.
The afternoon was spent mostly reading, studying French, and eating popsicles. Yum. My French quiz was easy, and my oral presentation went pretty well. I wasn't really that nervous, because I was one of the last people to go, and most of my classmates can't even pronounce the words correctly. But my voice got all dry and hoarse, and when I sat down I was shaking. No matter how comfortable or confident I feel, I just do not handle public speaking well.
I'm hoping that Emily and Justin wrap it up soon and either go to sleep or say goodbye, because I'm getting tired. Blasted fatigue. Speaking of sleepiness, and of the bad dream I was having this morning... my nightmares tend to not be so typically nightmarish. Sometimes they are, like the one that I've had several times where my uncle (who recently got out of prison and who I do not like at all) kills my mom and is coming after me. But most of the ones that I remember, the somewhat recent ones, have dealt with Adam, either directly or indirectly.
In one, he died. I was sleeping over at Amanda's house that night, and I seriously woke up bawling on her pull-out sofa. It is not something I wish to experience ever again, that's for fucking sure. Once I dreamed that he was talking to his sister Sarah, telling her that he hates being with me, that he doesn't love me, that's I'm the worst thing that's ever happened to him. He knows about this one... I think I told him, anyway. In another, I found him having a "sleep over" with two girls. It was pouring out and he broke up with me. The one this morning was sort of along the same lines, only without the rain and the breaking up and with different people. So I guess it wasn't really that similar at all.
But seriously, do you see where all of my paranoia comes from? Jesus. Dreams are supposed to be nice and peaceful and happy. They are not supposed to reinforce my insecurities. Feh.
Anyway... my wish for the noisy Emily and Justin party to break up came true mere moments after I wrote it, so yay. I'm going to sleep now. Wish me GOOD dreams and things. 'Night.
back & forth
Wait, there's more!
I like pina coladas - March 30, 2005
must... finish... projects... - March 22, 2005
Mr. Postman delivers the good stuff - March 18, 2005
when everything is bad - March 16, 2005
of fruits and menstruation - March 15, 2005