October 26, 2002 :: 12:04 p.m.
even a glamorous bitch can be in need
It's been two days since my last entry... a record, I think. Usually I'm a daily sort of girl. But it's been a tough two days, filled with things other than the desire to write in my online diary. Things like crying, and crying. And oh, yes, don't forget the crying. Where do I begin?
Rufus is gone. He's been gone for about a week... I'm losing hope. He's a smart cat. He knows where he lives. He's gone off for two days or so before, but never for this long, and never in bad weather like this. It's been rainy and cold and gross, and the only thing that I can think is that something happened to him. I hate to say that... it's like giving up... but I don't know what else to think. I'm completely broken up by this, because I love my cats more than I love most of my family. They're like little people, and now one of them is gone. Just gone. It's like losing a family member, literally. And it comes at a very bad time (not that there would ever be a good time), because at the same time that I'm losing my cat, I'm losing my family unit.
Yeah. My parents are separating. I'm not taking it so well, though I guess that's to be expected. I found out two nights ago, and I went to the computer lab where Adam was working and just completely broke down and bawled. I've been crying on and off for the last two days... more on than off. My sister Molly called this morning to see how I'm doing, and I'm... dealing, I guess. I'm not doing well. How could I be doing well? But there's nothing I can do about it, so all I can do is keep myself together. Easier said than done, though. Adam and I took Mason to a movie last night, to cheer him up a little. I know it's even harder on him than it is one me, because he has to be there. I'm here at school, sort of distanced from the shifting home life aspect of it, but Mason is right in the thick of it. I talked to my mom a little bit ago, and she's going to call Adam (brother) sometime today and tell him. I'll probably give him a call later tonight and see how he's doing, though I can't imagine he'll be any better than I am or than Mason is.
I don't know. This is just such a huge shock. My parents have been together for 25 years... they've had problems, real problems, but I've always been under the impression that they loved each other enough to get through it. But now my mom says that she "just [doesn't] love him anymore," and I don't even know what to think.
So there you have it. I haven't written for two days because my Rufus kitty is gone and my parents are separating after 25 years together. I am not in the best of states, as you may imagine. But I thought I should catch the few people who read this up on what's going on.
Ciao.
back & forth
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