October 31, 2002 :: 12:35 a.m.
while I crawl into the unknown / cover me
I am swelteringly hot and incredibly depressed. I called home to see how my dad is doing, and the verdict is: not too freaking well. He's a wreck, which makes me a wreck... despite all of the not-so-good memories that I have of my father, I love him, and it breaks my heart to see him so upset. I can't blame him, but I wish I could do something to help. I called Adam after I got off the phone with my dad, because I was not well and in dire need of comforting. He wasn't there, but he eventually got my message and came down. He left about half an hour ago, much to my great despair. I wanted him to stay. I don't want to lay in bed alone tonight. I don't want to have to think. But he didn't stay, even though I think he knew that I wanted him to. He had to know, because hey, I said so. He didn't respond, which sort of made me sad because it's basically like saying, "yes, I heard what you said, but I don't want to sleep over, so I'm just going to pretend that I didn't hear you."
Mer.
I should really go to bed. I want to get up in the morning and watch the episode of Buffy that I missed tonight before I go to breakfast with Adam. But I'm not very tired... or maybe I am, and I just can't tell. Wouldn't that be wacky. On the upside, I've got a fun idea for a new layout. Yeah, already. This one is nice, but it's too... small and pretty. I need space and less happy colors, dammit. I shouldn't be worrying about this now, though. I've got so much school crap to start and/or finish that it's not even remotely amusing. I should be working on one of the various papers that I have due very soon. I should be reading Guests of the Sheik for Anthropology. But I'm not... I'm sitting up, playing around in Photoshop and writing in my online diary.
Our internet connection has been slow as... something very slow lately. It's quite bothersome. One of the perks of living in the dorms is that you get a T1 connection, gosh dernit.
Well. I'm becoming sort of delirious. Not from tiredness, just from general uckiness and such. But I'm going to try and get some sleep anyway, because otherwise I won't be able to get up for Buffy in the morning. And Buffy is just the thing to cheer me up, so I mustn�t miss it.
Oh, yes. I heard back from the President o' the college about the ducks. They do indeed live outside during the winter, as do the swans. Apparently they've been on campus for seven years, so I guess it's not doing them too much harm. I still feel bad, though. But hey, I tried.
'Night.
back & forth
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