November 30, 2002 :: 1:06 a.m.
it's always me and my big dreams
Number of things that I had planned to accomplish today: Lots.
Number of things that I actually accomplished today: One. And it wasn't even the important one.
Today was supposed to be productive. I was supposed to turn into a busy little bee, knocking out my assignments one after another... but of course things didn't work out like that. I woke up late due complete lack of an alarm clock, I did laundry, I ate soup. I sat down to face my homework and then I got distracted by phone calls. I talked to Adam, I talked to Joe, I called Amanda and left a message. I wrote one very painful, less-than-great paragraph of my Anthro paper. I ate some Doritos. I watched TV, I played with Photoshop, I fed the cats. I did anything and everything to avoid doing my homework, without even really meaning to. I just don't see the point anymore, and so all of my meager motivation has flown right out the fucking window. I mean... I'm not going back next year. I can't. I can't afford it, and there's nothing there for me that isn't an Adam-shaped boyfriend. And since HE isn't likely to go back next year, either, there's nothing at all to hold me there. So what's the use of doing all of this, then? What's the point of keeping my grades all ship shapey and taking required courses next semester when I'm not planning to stay? Bleh.
So the one thing that I've accomplished today has been doing my laundry. Woo. I went over to Adam's at around 8:30, and we finished playing Starfox and went to the grocery store and watched a really cool show about Ice Age animals. It's makes my mind go all boggley to think about 60,000 pound whales of the seriously carnivorous variety. And their ancestors were hairy alligator-looking beasts who drowned their prey. Ah... I love me some anthropology/archaeology. Too bad I could never do it for a living.
I want a toaster. A shiny silver toaster, and a waffle iron. I want a little apartment and a kitty of my own and weird lampshades that I made myself. I want to sleep with Adam every night and make dinner and go for walks and watch Buffy together. (because he likes it too). I do not want to live in a cinderblock room with a girl from New Berlin, NY who watches Jerry Springer at 9 o' clock in the morning. I do not want to spend all of my time studying and writing papers and attending classes that don't interest me or even particularly educate me. I do not want to sleep alone and worry all the time and shower with sandals on because I share a bathroom with 20 other girls. But we've all got our wants, I guess. Maybe if I've racked up any good karma points at all over the years some of mine will become reality. Or more likely not, because apparently the Universe's favorite game is Make Amanda Miserable.
It's fun for the whole family! Except for, you know, me. Alas.
Well... I believe it's bed time for this girl. I'm supposed to hang out with Joe sometime tomorrow, and with Amanda, Bryan, Brian, Pat, and Adam at some point. If I can muster up a little bit of caring, I might tackle some homework. I'd give it a 15% chance of happening, but only because I have this horrible guilt thing going on. Grr. My stomach hurts from a disgusting Almond Snickers, my head hurts from god knows what (stress?), and my heart hurts from worrying so much. But on the upside, at least Gizmo didn't puke on my bed again. And where there is no cat puke, it can always get worse.
Adieu.
back & forth
Wait, there's more!
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