December 05, 2003 :: 12:01 a.m.
maybe it's just the taint of satan talking, but...
Oh, my life. The fun just never stops. It's like a crazy amusement park ride that's all bright and fast and studded with lights that catch your hair on fire while you spin around and around, puking and screaming even as the guy running it kicks the speed up to the max setting because he thinks the way your flesh pulls back onto your bones in the wind is really funny.
My mother, as it turns out, is now a Jehovah's witness. Officially. I, as we all know, am not particularly religious. And what small religious ties I do hold are not of the christian persuasion. And while I am all about religious freedom and tolerance, there is a difference between not caring that there are three different churches within walking distance of my house or being cool with my boyfriend's dad and step-mom being pastors and LIVING WITH A JEHOVAH'S WITNESS. My mother. Jehovah's witness. Do you detect a note of desperation in the general tone of my written words? Because you should. The keenest observers among you may notice that there's more than just a note; there's actually a 57-piece orchestra playing Desperation in the Key of E-Flat all over these little black marks. Because I? Am freaked right the fuck out.
The worst part isn't that she's all scary religious now, really. I can deal with that. Whatever gives you that magic feeling. But since Jehovah's witnesses don't celebrate christmas or easter or whatever the fuck else, my mother won't be attending family gatherings this holiday season. I can't quite get my head around that, because as far as I'm concerned our gatherings aren't about religion. They're about family getting together and spending a little quality time during a SEASON that's purportedly all about goodwill and togetherness. Emphasis on "season" because that's what this is anymore, a season. Not a specific holiday. Christmas hardly means anything anymore, and I can tell you with the utmost certainty that it means jack shit to the majority of my family. We're not a religious people, as a rule, and the few who do claim to be aren't fanatical about it. No one goes to church on Sunday, or mass on christmas, or refrains from using god's name in vain. So that's not what christmas is for us. It's a reason to gather, not a religious holiday.
And I technically don't celebrate christmas, but I go to these get-togethers. Having your own beliefs is one thing; denying your family the pleasure of your company during their completely non-religious holiday parties because you don't celebrate christmas is ridiculous. To me it is, anyway. And I won't say a damn thing about how creepy the whole Jehovah's witness thing is, and I won't comment on her church or her bible study or the copies of The Watchtower that are strewn across our dining room table, but there is no reason that she could give me that would make the above scenario not seem ridiculous. It's like me not attending any party where meat is served.
Oh, and tolerance be damned: if there is one word of me attending church or bible study with her, or of baptism, or of how I'm going to hell because I have pre-marital sex/use birth control/swear/support abortion/whatever, I swear to fucking christ I'll lose it.
Ah. Sometimes there just aren't words for how much I love my life, you know? Because in all the dictionary, I don't think there's a word that can properly convey my feelings. Oh well. I guess "festering cauldron of pus and agony" will just have to do for now.
back & forth
Wait, there's more!
I like pina coladas - March 30, 2005
must... finish... projects... - March 22, 2005
Mr. Postman delivers the good stuff - March 18, 2005
when everything is bad - March 16, 2005
of fruits and menstruation - March 15, 2005