December 14, 2004 :: 11:11 p.m.
well, now I know where the Hellmouth *really* is...
Dude. So I went to Wal-Mart tonight to pick up some stuff, right? Just a few things. Popsicles. Shaving cream. The
Spiderman 2 DVD (okay, so that wasn't planned, but it was pretty cheap and I've been wanting it anyway). Not a lot. It should have taken me 20 minutes max, and that's just because I always wander a bit. Like Wal-Mart is some kind of irresistible labyrinth.
Sadly, that statement isn't entirely untrue.
Anyway, just a quick trip. That's what I planned on, anyway. Went in, grabbed my stuff, did the requisite blinded-by-cheap-plastic-capitalism zombie shuffle, and headed over to the self-checkout area. Because, as we know, I avoid human contact at all costs. All the lanes were crowded, which is nothing new. I got in line behind this older couple and a young couple with two kids. The people with kids were in the midst of checking out when I got in line. The older couple had maybe 4 items. I had 3. The people with kids? Three carts full. And I do mean FULL. Who does that? Do you know anyone who does that? Because if so, please slap them firmly upside the head next time you see them. Gah.
No joke, it took them half an hour to check out. Half an hour that I spent holding a box of popsicles in the crook of my arm and trying to look anywhere but at the little girl who insisted on staring at me the whole time. At first I thought she was kind of cute, but then she was just annoying. She was like 18 inches away from me in the front of one of their carts, and the little brat WOULD NOT LOOK AWAY. I spent half an hour staring at tabloids and impulse buy items and candy bars and tiny bags of Doritos, just so I wouldn't have to look at this child. Because it was seriously annoying. I wanted to kick her. I'm always afraid kids are going to talk to me. I don't want them to talk to me. It freaks me out. Especially kids I don't know.
The whole kid situation at Wal-Mart tonight was out of control anyway. Between the sobbing toddlers being scolded by irate parents and the little boys shouting "Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom!" at the top of their lungs, I wanted nothing more than to run screaming to the nearest gynecologist and have them tear my ovaries out. Like, stat.
Anyway. The whole thing was traumatic, because after I finally got to check out the thing had a paper jam and I couldn't get my receipt. Which normally wouldn't be an issue, because I'm not returning shaving cream, you know? But of course my stuff set the alarm off when I tried to leave. Probably the movie. So I had to go back and wait for them to call someone up to open the machine and fix everything. I finally got my receipt, proved to the aged bulldog of a greeter that I had not, in fact, stolen anything, and got the fucking hell out of dodge. I called Adam up as soon as I got to the car, because oh man, a rant was in order.
Much like the one you just read. What can I say? I'm repetitive sometimes.
In conclusion, Wal-Mart is evil. More evil than Hitler. Like, on a scale of one to ten, one being something soft and cuddly and innocent (a kitten, perhaps) and ten being the gaping, fire-tongued maw of Satan licking his chops after a meal of plump, succulent human babies... Wal-Mart turns that shit up to 11. Though come to think of it, that bit about Satan eating babies strikes me as more amusing than evil, which I'm sure reflects some deep-seated psychological issues on my part. But whatever.
Kittens are excellent. Satan devouring babies is funny. Wal-Mart, however... is just plain evil.
back & forth
Wait, there's more!
I like pina coladas - March 30, 2005
must... finish... projects... - March 22, 2005
Mr. Postman delivers the good stuff - March 18, 2005
when everything is bad - March 16, 2005
of fruits and menstruation - March 15, 2005