December 20, 2004 :: 1:00 a.m.
I hope baby jesus gets pneumonia in that fucking barn
Sooo, christmas break is officially here. I'm in the midst of it now, actually. Up at 1 a.m. and not stressing about getting up in 5 hours for a class that I can't stand. Western Art, I wash my hands of you! Go, flee, and never return! Or I shall smite you and your family into the ground with a big pointy stick. And enjoy every single bloody minute of it, might I add.
Yeah, no more of that. Three weeks away from Polish Nazi. Hopefully more, but I have a sort of sick-making feeling I'm going to be saddled with him next semester as well. In which case I won't get much done at all because I'll have to devote several hours a day to sobbing into my pillow. And then another few to dreaming up different scenarios in which I get to run him over with one of those giant, obnoxious pickup trucks or kick him in the shins (wearing very pointy shoes or at least steel-toed boots, of course) until he cries "wujek."
(Yes, I totally just looked that up specifically for this purpose. I am a dork.)
Anyway. No more talk of school for a while, okay? Because it's break time. Nowhere to be, with the exception of a few family functions. No, I have nothing but time. Vast acres of time in which I could plant crops. It's a nice feeling. However, I am also dead fucking broke thanks to the holiday bullshit, so there's not a whole lot of funds to be set aside for recreation purposes. This means that I will mostly be sitting in my apartment watching DVDs and Animal Planet and not doing any of the things that I actually do want to get done. Like sew stuff, and draw stuff, and attempt to use my watercolors in a way that does not resemble dried baby puke or the witless markings of a dog running amok with a paintbrush tied to its tail. I'm hoping that a lot of this free time will be filled with Adamy goodness, because I actually cannot remember when I got to see him for, like, more than 3 days or so without interruption. It's been months and months. So hopefully that will happen. If not, I guarantee that I'll go into full Hibernation mode, because it's fucking cold outside and pretty much all my friends went home. Well, Deb is still around, but she's working crazy long hours until school starts up again. Which is good for her, I guess, but leaves me both friendless and alone AND feeling like a big lazy slacker. Blah.
There was this whole thing on Saturday with trying to get my dad his christmas kitty, but I don't want to get into it. Suffice it to say that we left the shelter sans cat, though we do have one "on hold," as it were, until they can get confirmation from the landlord people that my dad is allowed to actually have a cat. Which he is, but whatever. The whole thing was very upsetting for me personally. Going to the Humane Society always is, but this time especially so. I bonded like crazy glue to this awesome, enormous cat named Frankincense who I wanted to take home SO bad... but I couldn't, of course, because my apartment sucks gigantic balls. Whatever good points it may possess, right now I hate it with a passion because I had to leave that kitty behind. I left a guardian angel donation thingy for him, though, because if I can't have him then I want to make sure someone else does. Thinking about the alternative is making me tear up as I write this, so... let's move on.
I should really know by now that saying "I don't want to get into it" automatically leads to chattering away about it at great length. And yet.
My grandma called me this morning to make plans for christmas shopping. I'm still not sure what I want. Art desk, a stack of DVDs/books/CDs, or just cash? Honestly, the latter would be most helpful at the moment, as christmas has leeched away far too much of my precious little money. But I hate to be like, "Gee, Grandma, all I really want for christmas is a couple hundred bucks so that I'll still be able to buy food come the end of January." Talk about not in the holiday spirit. The art desk would be nice, and practical, and useful, and it's something I would never get myself, just because it's too much for something that's not really any fun. The stack o' stuff option is really the most tempting, but I'll probably go with door number 1. I don't know why. The whole thing is very annoying, because frankly I'm feeling possessed by the spirit of the Grinch and want nothing to do with christmas at all. No spending so far beyond my means that I'm not sure I'll make it through the month of January without begging, no crowded shopping mall with my grandma, no incessantly driving back and forth to family gatherings, no sleeping on the couch at my mom's house. None of it. I'm not in the mood, and I'm not in the spirit, and I just don't fucking care about joy and love and peace on earth or any of it at all. Christmas for me isn't about baby jesus, or holiday cheer, or goodwill - it's about stressing out over money and presents and picking these people up and still getting to this place on time. It's annoying, and false, and I for one cannot wait for December 27th.
Ahem. Yeah, I'm cheerful. Whatever. Christmas is poo. I need a job, and an Adam who doesn't have to leave all the time. Or at least a cat to keep me company. But no.
[/end rant]
back & forth
Wait, there's more!
I like pina coladas - March 30, 2005
must... finish... projects... - March 22, 2005
Mr. Postman delivers the good stuff - March 18, 2005
when everything is bad - March 16, 2005
of fruits and menstruation - March 15, 2005