February 29, 2004 :: 1:23 a.m.
I have officially mastered the art of making myself miserable
Gah. I am so... just, gah. That's really all I can say. I'm trying to get this portfolio deal all put together by the time we go visit PCA&D, and I'm finding that I'm not quite as prepared as I thought I would be.
I draw mostly in a digital formal. I don't think that's a problem, for the most part. But the thing with a portfolio is that it needs to contain REAL art. Like put down on actual paper with actual art supplies and my own two little hands. Now, I'm not saying I have no artistic talent... but this? I'm not so good at this. I haven't really made any non-digital pieces of art outside of class since... god, high school? If we're not counting random sketching, then yeah. There's a canvas in my big pile o' paper-like material that I bought in like ninth or tenth grade. It's still in its plastic wrapping. That fairly telling, right there.
So I'm trying to draw/paint/whatever some real, tangible things... but nothing is really working out properly. And the there's the whole matting thing. DEAR. CHRIST. I remember matting photos in high school, and yeah, I hated it. But this is like a whole new level of bad. Because mat board on comes in one size 'round these here parts - 32x40. Most of my work from class is on 18x24 paper. The largest final matted product that can comfortably fit in my portfolio bag is around 22x30. I do not need such a big damn sheet of mat board. Cutting it down to size is a pain in the ass, and the windows are just... argh! I managed to ruin a $5 sheet of mat board this afternoon by slicing the bottom right off instead of just cutting the window out. Because I am a huge fucking moron. Adam and I have managed to get one picture successfully matted in a matter of 2 days. And this is using his dad's fancy-shmancy mat cutter. If I didn't have access to such a thing, I would quite literally go insane. Because trying to do this shit with a ruler and an exacto knife is just... wrong. It's the stuff of nightmares, people. NIGHTMARES.
All in all, it's not been a joy ride. And I have yet to even begin. That's the really scary part. Also, I have to wonder why I'm even attempting to go to art school. I can draw sometimes, but not well enough to make a living from it. I hate art classes. I can't even muster the motivation to get off my butt and try to make some actual artistic items - what in god's name makes me think that I'll do okay at a school devoted entirely to the creation of artistic items? I don't know. The whole thing is just... uck.
Just where the fuck is the Trust Fund Fairy when you need her?
back & forth
Wait, there's more!
I like pina coladas - March 30, 2005
must... finish... projects... - March 22, 2005
Mr. Postman delivers the good stuff - March 18, 2005
when everything is bad - March 16, 2005
of fruits and menstruation - March 15, 2005