March 06, 2002 :: 12:38 a.m.
fun with the little mermaid
Dad: Such and such a place in some town is selling a mermaid.
Me: *blank stare* Like... a wooden one?
Ahem. An auction house in the area is selling a mermaid. My dad is sitting on the couch, reading one of his antique-related papers, and he just told me about it. Apparently it was all the rage at one time to sew the head and torso of a monkey to the tail of a large fish and call it a mermaid. Monkey top + fish bottom = mermaid? Hmm. I find that rather gruesome and unnecessary, but at the same time it amuses me. If I had a wooden mermaid (like the ones on the front of old ships), I'd nail it to the roof of my house. Or keep it in my bedroom and sit on it. Or nail it to the roof of my house and then sit on it up there. I could wave at passing children and senior citizens and yell poetic things about the salty sea air and the deal that I made with Ursula in order to see my beloved Prince Eric.
Er... yes. Yoda is beginning to look at home in the living room. I'll be sad to see him go. Hopefully he'll get a good home with someone who won't use him as an object of sexual pleasure. Because that would be dirty and frightening, though I'm sure there are die-hard Star Wars freaks out there who have done it or would like to. I guess I can see why. Yoda's sexy... in his own corpse-complected, stooped way. Not that I find him attractive or anything. I'm all about Prince Eric and that lovely castle by the ocean. The big sheep dog needs to go, though. Amanda has a sheep dog and it's jumpy and obnoxious and it ate a member of our plastic figure family - the baby! It ate the little niglet baby (I mean that in the most non-racial slur way... it's simply what we called the african american child). Amanda keeps finding mangled pieces of its body lying around her room. I can only begin to imagine how disturbing that must be.
I'm feeling a bit more chipper than before. I think the tapioca pudding did its job. Who needs therapy? Give me pudding any day.
back & forth
Wait, there's more!
I like pina coladas - March 30, 2005
must... finish... projects... - March 22, 2005
Mr. Postman delivers the good stuff - March 18, 2005
when everything is bad - March 16, 2005
of fruits and menstruation - March 15, 2005