December 13, 2003 :: 1:55 a.m.
"extremities" - spellcheck suggests I use "extreme ties" instead
Oh, diary. It's been a while, hasn't it? I've just been so busy, and my computer is off being (supposedly) fixed, and, well, I had to put you on the backburner. I know it hurts, but Real Life got in the way, and unfortunately it has to come first. Always. Miserably.
School is over for the semester, technically. Outside the realm of technicality, I still have four finals left next week. One Monday, two Thursday, and one Friday. I work tomorrow (Saturday), Sunday, and Monday. And next Saturday, and probably next Sunday. I would like to kick my employers until they bleed for making me work all weekend, every weekend.
I am broke and frustrated and tired and stressed and currently on the rag and all I really want is to sit in my big, comfy red chair and drink tea and not have to worry about impending deadlines or rude holiday shoppers or affording christmas presents or whether my tuition for next semester will get paid on time. It's already late, actually. My parents are entirely uninterested in my life, so things often get forgotten. Unfortunately in this case it's a fairly important thing.
I don't even really have much to say anymore. I've had things to say, piles of little events to discuss, but somewhere along the line I managed to forget everything. Or maybe things like that just lose their significance when seen through those special 20/20 hindsight eyeballs. Also, it's nearly 3 o' clock now (I got distracted over at TWoP). I need to get up in 7 hours to prepare myself to spend 8 hours selling ugly holiday garlands to snippy, illiterate, misers. The happiness just spreads through me like liquid sunshine whenever I think about it.
Oh, whatever. I hate my job. I understand that someone with no college degree and a limited schedule can't expect a fabulous job that caters to all of their interests, but for fuck's sake, I'm just overqualified for this shit. And entirely of the wrong disposition. It's driving me insane, to be perfectly honest. Just thinking about it makes me twitchy, in that sociopath-with-a-knife kind of way. Only I won't ever get to have that much fun, because I'm cursed with an overactive sense of right and wrong. Fuck my conscience.
Okay, okay. Let's enjoy a cold, refreshing dose of perspective, shall we?
I am alive. I am not starving on a park bench in the snow. I have all of my limbs and minor extremities. I have not gone bald. Everyone I love is alive and at least physically undamaged. I have the best boyfriend in the entire world. I have a fresh box of spiced wafers (a.k.a. gingersnaps) in the pantry downstairs. I will make it through work because I have made it through worse. I will get everything done that needs to be done because history proves that I am capable of it. I do not have leprosy. Things are not really so bad.
Well, I don't actually feel much better, but who am I to knock the healing power of positive affirmation? Maybe if I record myself saying that and play it over and over while I sleep, I'll wake up with a less tragic outlook. Or, you know, not.
And that's all I have. Adieu.
back & forth
Wait, there's more!
I like pina coladas - March 30, 2005
must... finish... projects... - March 22, 2005
Mr. Postman delivers the good stuff - March 18, 2005
when everything is bad - March 16, 2005
of fruits and menstruation - March 15, 2005