March 29, 2002 :: 10:54 p.m.
wish I could see the world through both my eyes
I'm hungry but the thought of eating something makes my stomach turn.
And it's not just the cramps.
Today, as a whole, was a good day. But today in my head started to go downhill earlier in the evening, and now I'm stuck in this pit of incredible self-disgust. I feel absolutely foul, in every way possible. Physically, I feel crampy and obese and hungry and sick. Emotionally, I am drained, and torn, and confounded by how little I understand myself, let alone anyone else. Mentally, I am unsure. My brain is full of college and it hurts. I feel pathetic because I'll be going to a school that I have no desire to attend just so that I can be close to Adam, and he doesn't care either way. I feel spineless. I feel let down. I feel, in short, like shit.
Outside the twisted garden that is my mind and emotions, though, it really was a lovely day. I spent it with Adam, playing Hello Kitty rummy, making Amish raisin bread, talking, cuddling, crying. Well, I was the only one crying, but he did participate in everything else.
*sigh* I believe Bill Cosby shares my birthday, or I share his, depending on how you gauge the order of these things. I hope everyone had a better mind-evening than I did.
back & forth
Wait, there's more!
I like pina coladas - March 30, 2005
must... finish... projects... - March 22, 2005
Mr. Postman delivers the good stuff - March 18, 2005
when everything is bad - March 16, 2005
of fruits and menstruation - March 15, 2005