April 15, 2002 :: 12:49 a.m.
I repeat: Commander, the nuts are descending.
Ah, I'm bored. Bored bored bored. You will see just how bored in a second.
I started Flyboy Action Figure Comes With Gasmask tonight. It's good. Me like Flyboy book.
I also ate 3 oreos. They were yummy.
I wrote Adam a mini-story in the email I just sent him. It goes as follows:
***
One day, on a small asteroid roughly 45 trillion light years from our planet Earth, a tribunal of the most powerful leaders came together. "Destroy it!" McHenry said. He was a large, affluent squirrel. His suit was much too tight. "But perhaps we could teach them," said a small, meek squirrelette by the name of Esther. She wore her tail curled and spoke softly. "They meant well, I think, but something just went wrong. Wouldn't it be wise to try and help them?"
The hall went silent. No one was pleased. A whisper spread through the crowd, quiet at first but swelling into a veritable roar as the minutes passed. An elderly squirrel stood up, his leathery skin shifting and folding as he moved. "There is sense in both paths," he said, "but we must consider the costs of destruction." McHenry leaped at the old rodent, clawing at his eyes. "IT WILL BE MY WAY!! MY WAY!!!!" He let out a horrifying screech as the others pulled him away. "Remove this creature," the head of the tribunal commanded. "Prepare the ships. We will set out for Earth in the morning." He pounded his gavel and dismissed the gathering of leaders by telling them all to get the hell out of his sight.
The following morning, a group of five squirrelnauts boarded the huge Starship Squirlactica and headed for the planet Earth. You see, for many years there had been talk of taking over the Earth, colonizing it in the name of Squirrel. However, no one was sure what would happen after that. Would they go all Nazi on the Earthlings, put them all to work in slave camps and eventually commit the second largest act of genocide in the history of the universe (second only to the annihilation of the entire flying worm race, an act of violence that lasted a mere .75 seconds but destroyed an entire solar system and one of the oldest cultures in the universe)? Or would they help the humans, show them the error of their ways, point them in a better direction? Even as the ship went hurtling toward the planet, no one knew for sure.
However, it doesn't really matter because about half-way through the journey one of the squirrelnauts lit up a cigar a little too close to the fuel stores and blew the ship to smithereens. The end.
(Please note that these squirrels are in no way related to the squirrels you see in your backyard every day. Proceed.)
***
I am bored but too lazy to churn out anything but nonsensical, plotless blather about squirrels. Heh. Well, no one ever said I was destined to be an author.
back & forth
Wait, there's more!
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