May 27, 2002 :: 1:44 a.m.
it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah
Le sigh.
What an emotionally draining evening that was. I'm sure I'm at fault, because it's always my fault. I'm my biggest problem, my worst enemy, my insurmountable obstacle. My feelings are irrelevant and absurd and ill-warranted and can't be validated, no matter how hard I try. As soon as I utter them aloud, I feel like the world's largest moron, come home to roost. It's like I'm out to sabotage my own happiness - to poke holes in the fabric of my sanity, my stability, and most importantly, my relationship with Adam, which is just about the only thing that makes me completely happy.
Knowing your own weaknesses and problems doesn't make correcting them any easier. Makes it more difficult, actually, because if you're fully cognizant of your issues and still unable to remedy them, you just feel like a schizophrenic failure. I suppose that in that respect, ignorance is bliss. I'm not sure where I'd prefer to be on that scale, though. Is it better to know why you act crazy or to just assume that you are crazy, no questions asked, this package comes complete with a 10-year manufacturer's warranty and three fully functioning alternate personalities? Somehow I'm thinking the former.
I'm going to read now, and then to sleep. Happy trails.
Oh yes. Google hits: "cutting flesh," "mouth fucking," "mouth girl," and "bickel's + potato chips." Cutting flesh? Creepy.
back & forth
Wait, there's more!
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when everything is bad - March 16, 2005
of fruits and menstruation - March 15, 2005