June 01, 2003 :: 12:03 a.m.
Martha Stewart could totally kick your ass
Ugh. Next time I even think about going to see a movie on a rainy Saturday afternoon - especially when that movie just came out the day before - could someone please slap that really fucking dumb idea right the hell out of me? Because Adam and I tried that today, and oh my dear sweet jesus, let's just say that it wasn't the place for an anti-social bitch like myself. We didn't stay, which should be obvious given that I'm writing here now. I felt like my brain was going to explode just from LOOKING at the crowd of people milling around outside/waiting in line for tickets/making their way through the veritable Pacific fucking Ocean of vehicles to join the writhing throng. I think it's safe to assume that if we had stayed, I would be holed up someplace dark and unpleasant, offering up my soul to the first demonic taker who would rain down unspeakable wrath in my name.
Ahem. Tango and I just engaged in a rollicking game of Catch and Eat the Yarn, which she won by virtue of being unbearably cute and frisky. Frisky like Morris, even, who happens to bear an incredible resemblance to Tango Mango herself. Please disregard the fact that Morris is the 9 Lives cat food spokeskitty and not the Friskies spokeskitty, because sometimes I get very confused and the things that I say don't make sense. But no matter - right now Tango is lying on her back, paws all askew, looking really comfy. I'd take pictures if I had a digital camera, but alas. She's big and fluffy and orange, with the girth required to balance in such a way. Use your imagination.
Anyway - the movie we were going to see was Wrong Turn, starring the object of my intense girl crush, Eliza Dushku. Or Eliza Deku Nut, as Adam and I refer to her. Because we're strange that way, and Zelda is delicious fun. But due to the above mentioned crowd issues, we decided to trek to Annville for sicilian pizza instead. It poured the whole way up, so the llamas were snug in their barns, but it had stopped raining by the time we drove home so we got to see the whole herd/flock/gaggle of them roaming around in the unusually lush grass. An entire month of rain will do that to foliage, it seems. We also saw a deer, who wisely chose to retreat back into the woods instead of trying to cross the road. Good deer - go woods, choose woods. Roads are never a good idea.
We stopped at Game Traders before heading home, which is just this incredible mecca of cheap DVDs. I have no idea if that sentence made sense, but when a place offers me bazillions of movies that I actually want to own for 6 to 10 bucks a pop, I stop caring about coherent speech. Mostly I just salivate and mourn my state of perpetual poverty. Adam got me the two-disk "Collector's Series" edition of The Others, though, so I shan't complain. He's much too good to me, as I have said before and will surely say again before too long. Someday when I actually have a source of income again I'll start working on balancing the scales, because I owe him some serious presents. Like possibly a small tropical island, or a fleet of beagles wearing bandanas.
Oh, right. Before I forget:
Dear Children's Miracle Network,
Who in your organization thought it would a good idea to preempt a re-airing of Martha, Inc. for some shitty donate-a-thon? I would like their name and home address so that I may pay them a friendly little visit. And by "friendly little visit," I do mean "beat them viciously with a steel-plated rolling pin." Because I was all sad that I missed that movie the first time around, and then I was transformed into Happy Amanda when I saw that it was being re-run, but now I'm once again in foul spirits thanks to your one of your village idiot employees whose HUGE FUCKING EGO made them think that replacing Martha, Inc. with endless hours of "we help kids, give us money!" was somehow okay. So. If you'll just send along that address, I'd really appreciate it. And maybe once I finish bludgeoning the hell out of your wayward former employee, you can use the salary that you used to pay them to buy some needy kids a sack of rice.
Humanitarianly Yours,
Amanda
Yeah, I think that's about all I have to say for now. Adieu.
back & forth
Wait, there's more!
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