June 01, 2003 :: 11:56 p.m.
watch your back, HP Deskjet 5550
Good christ. Today could not possibly have sucked more. Well, no. I guess that if siamese twins wielding machetes had broken in, slaughtered my family, stole my pets to do cruel and unspeakable experiments on, and then blown up the house, leaving me homeless and alone - that would have been worse. But today was pretty fucking heinous nonetheless.
I was up until 5 last night, drawing things in Illustrator. It was fun, and produced many cute things - which I really will get around to posting at some point, I swear - but when I woke up at 9 o' clock I deeply felt the consequences of my late-night Adobe debauchery. I'm sure it didn't help that Mason dropping Tango on me was the reason I woke up, although I do appreciate his asking to use one of my DVDs instead of just taking it. I went back to sleep after that, until about 11. Joe called, telling me that someone he knows got the Buffy Season Four DVDs TODAY, somehow. That sent me into a desperate search for money, any money at all. I managed to scrounge up 12 bucks, but that's all. I was hoping that my parents would notice the distraught look on my face and generously gift me with the needed funds, but alas. I hate asking for money - I feel bad about it. Apparently I'm really invisible to my parents, though, so it looks like that's the only way I'm going to get it. Seriously... I was downstairs in the living room just about all day today, and neither of them said more than four words to me. It's pathetic. And also not exactly a self-esteem booster, thanks.
Adam came over, which was nice. I enjoy just being around him and having him there, even though it may seem otherwise when I'm in such foul spirits. However, we didn't really do much but sit around and contemplate how I could make 50 bucks with little effort, which I felt really bad about. He left to eat dinner with his dad, and then came back bearing a bag of Cookies n' Cream Nuggets. Mmmm. But also: Code Red, incredibly dangerous. Especially when I'm depressed and shit. But it was a lovely gesture, one which I really did appreciate. We hung out for a while, and he even managed to cheer me up eventually. He's good at that, despite my protestations. All he has to do is make some little noises and I'm gone.
I don't know what made this day so horrible, exactly. It's weird. I mean, yeah, lacking the fundage for Buffy put a huge damper on my happy fun 1st of June, and it was crappy outside, and my parents ignored the hell out of me. But that stuff happens all the time. Just change "1st of June" to "whatever day it is" and that whole schpeel is once again applicable. It just got to me today, I guess. I feel like I'm going to be poor and miserable and living with my parents forever. I feel like I have to go out and get thrown in jail for selling pot to get my parents to spare me a second glance. My whole life is just this mess of greys lit by a few bright spots (most notably Adam), and sometimes the grey just gets too dark for the bright spots to even matter. I'm used to it, but some days are just worse than the rest, I suppose.
Anyway... I'm going to go draw more cute things in Illustrator and curse my printer for being a fuckhead. I just printed some of the aforementioned cute things, and the color is nine kinds of fucked up. Not cool, printer. One of these days, you and I are going to have a confrontation. And I will TOTALLY cut your ass.
Ciao.
back & forth
Wait, there's more!
I like pina coladas - March 30, 2005
must... finish... projects... - March 22, 2005
Mr. Postman delivers the good stuff - March 18, 2005
when everything is bad - March 16, 2005
of fruits and menstruation - March 15, 2005