August 15, 2002 :: 12:23 p.m.
even the cat is making me mad
I just woke up and I'm already thinking that this day is going to blow ass. I'm pissy and cranky and depressed. Hey, what's new, right? You should be used to this by now. Call me Ms. Doom & Gloom or some shit. At 4 in the morning, as I was settling in to go to sleep, Mason's friends show up at the door saying that they have a problem. You see, the eldest of them, who still isn't old enough to drive, was using his mother's vehicle (without her knowing, of course) and somehow managed to tip it onto its side. Ahem. May I just say that it was a pick-up truck, and so I don't care. Actually, I wouldn't care if it was something else, either, but I loathe pick-up trucks and the people who drive them (sorry Adam, no offense to your pick-up lusting dad). I think that tipped over in a patch of gravel is a good place for them to be.
So that went down. Woo. I had a dream that really freaks me out, only because it's not entirely unrealistic. Meaning that it's actually quite feasible under the right circumstances, and that I know this because it's happened before. In the dream, Adam and I walked out of my back door and went to his car. My mom was working in the garden, and she called over to me that she "wants to talk to me about yesterday." When I said that I really didn't want to talk about it, she came over and started screaming and hitting me. At one point she cornered Adam, too, until I told him to get in the car and let me deal with it. Of course, dealing with it means standing there, bawling, and taking it. Fun. It scares me because it was very realistic. And because what she mentioned in the dream is something that actually did happen yesterday that I actually don't want to talk about.
So now I don't want to see my mom, for fear that this will somehow come to pass. I wish she'd just have an episode of selective memory and forget about it. I don't want to be here at all, actually. Even my cat is pissing me off, and when my cat is pissing me off you know things suck. Because I love my cats more than most of my family, but right now Gizmo just needs to stop trying to get up on my desk or I'm going to barricade the door so she can't get it. Mason and Justin are here, as are my mom and dad. The whole gang's around, woo! Only not. I don't want to see any of them. I want to leave, but of course I have nowhere to go. No options. I still have to figure out how I can come up with six bucks to get into Pat's show tonight, because I'm dirt poor. I don't even think I have enough coins to fill a wrapper. *sighs*
Well this was a cheery morning entry. Afternoon entry, anyway. I'm going to take a shower and try to stop feeling so creepy and paranoid, but I think it would take more than some soap and water to get rid of that. Like steel wool and rubbing alcohol, or perhaps some codeine.
back & forth
Wait, there's more!
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