August 24, 2003 :: 2:21 a.m.
I wish eating before bed gave me nightmares
I'm being bad right now. I told myself that I'd be in bed before 2 a.m., to help prepare for the shock of rising before noon on Monday. I have to get up when the time of day is still a single digit number, something that I haven't had to do for pretty much the past three months. It's going to suck. My first class isn't until 11, but I want to call the vet clinic and talk to the manager before I go, so up at 8 it is. And now, having completely ignored my self-appointed goal of getting to sleep before 2, I'm going to have to shift my sleep schedule from 4-12 to something like 12-8 with no transitional step-down period in-between. Once again: it's going to suck. I'm terrible about things like this. I need a big, scary boot camp-like man to kick my ass into sticking to goals. Or possibly just someone serving me yummy grapes and sun tea and offering a million dollar incentive to not flake on things. Hrm. Yes, I definitely like the second scenario better.
So, today. I went school supply shopping with Mom and Mason - binders, pencils, pens, etc. As you may or may not know, I'm very particular about my office-type supplies, especially pens and notebooks/paper. Notebooks must be wire-bound, and paper must be college-ruled. The lines should be prominent, not pale. Pens must be simple roller balls, not big or padded or ballpoint. They must be black or blue for everyday writing purposes, and today I was feeling like blue. However, Office Depot felt like hurting me in ways previously unimagined by not having ANY blue roller ball pens. Well, okay, they had some. They had a huge box of them for $15, which, while tempting, was just excessive. They had packs with multiple colors that included one blue pen. They had one pack of blue roller balls that were totally the wrong shade of blue. It was craziness. We ended up making a trip to Staples just to get a lovely pack of cobalt-blue Pilot Precise V7 roller balls, which I'm very excited to write with. Now my family thinks I'm insane, though. I'm not. We all have out idiosyncrasies, right? I just have more than my share. Like maybe I got mine and then I also got the ones that were allotted for that guy over there, because he was late or died and didn't need them.
I also went grocery shopping tonight, to get things to take for lunch during the week. I don't have a fridge at HACC, obviously, and since my car gets hot enough to bake cakes during the day I can't leave my lunchbox in there, so I'll be carrying my lunch around with me in my trusty Captain America lunchbox. Or maybe my Jetsons lunchbox. It's kind of small, though. I also have a Ninja Turtles lunchbox that Adam found at Sal's, but it doesn't close reliably enough to carry around. I want to get a new lunchbox from Lunchboxes.com at some point, but alas, for now I'm too poor.
Anyway. I got grapes and plums and bananas and Nutri-Grain bars and Disney Princess fruit snacks and Wheat Thins and SlimFast meal replacement bars and Little Debbie caramel bar things and fat-free Pringles. Also plastic cheese slices and shaving cream, but those aren't for lunch. I wanted yogurt, but see above re: no refrigeration. In retrospect it seems silly to have listed every item I purchased, but I like lists. And maybe someone is interested. Or more probably not, but hey. I should have gotten juice boxes. And plastic baggies. I'll have to make another trip, it seems. Oh, darn.
Ho hum. I finished the lace hat I was working on; pictures to come when I get the chance to steal Joe's digital camera. It came out fairly well... I originally suspected that it was going to be too small, but I suppose that it wouldn't really be a skullcap if it didn't squeeze my cranium to the point of inducing pain. It's better now, though, since I've been wearing it for a little while. I like it. I want one in a cream color now, but I think I'm going to give my poor needle-scarred fingers a break and work on something different. Like Adam's hat. I'm a hat-making fiend, it's true.
I should sleep. I should draw things. I've been having a big creative block recently, along with a crisis of faith wherein I've been doubting my abilities. Everyone is so much better than I am at everything, even the things that I'm supposed to be fairly good at. Like art. And art. Oh, and art. Because I'm pretty much a one-trick pony with tunnel vision whose trick really sucks and now her anally compulsive focus on one thing has caused her to run head-first into a brick wall and bleed to death from her eyes. I wish I could paint. Or sculpt. Or draw something that doesn't shame me into hiding. I need real, tactile things. I don't have any. They're all in my computer, floating around in a digital way that does me no good in the world of the solid. And the digital things aren't even very good, so let's just pile some lack of self-esteem on top of that no self-esteem, shall we? It'll be tasty, I promise.
Argh. So tired, only not really. I am, but I don't want to go to sleep. I have to go to sleep. I am tired. I must go to sleep. I am horribly exhausted and will fall unconscious on the keyboard any second, permanently impressing the shape of the keys into my forehead. Bedtime. Now.
Goodnight.
back & forth
Wait, there's more!
I like pina coladas - March 30, 2005
must... finish... projects... - March 22, 2005
Mr. Postman delivers the good stuff - March 18, 2005
when everything is bad - March 16, 2005
of fruits and menstruation - March 15, 2005