November 30, 2001 :: 5:40 p.m.
your local conflict-whore
listening to... political jargon on the radio.
reading... X20, by Richard Beard.
feeling... confused.
Am I a conflict-whore or something? Do I have some sort of mental problem that causes me to instigate strife? Blah. I do it all the time. I know I do it; it's not a subconscious thing. Example: I was talking to Adam a little while ago, and I wasn't in the best of moods. I'm crampy and broke and I don't have any gas, so I can't go anywhere, but even if I could I don't have anyone to do anything with. Joe's having a breakdown of sorts (not really - he just thinks he is), Carla and Amanda are both at work, and Adam is at school. So I was feeling kind of foul. Now, none of this is his fault. I'm completely aware of this. But even so, I found myself starting to get sort of bitchy with him... why? There's no reason. He didn't do anything. I was just transferring my discontentment with myself and my surroundings onto him.
That's so unfair of me. I feel bad, but I still do it all the time. I don't like set out with the goal of putting my bullshit on his head, but somehow it ends up that way. I'm such a bitch. He's always so wonderful and supportive, and what do I do in return? Get mad at him because I'm bored and on the rag. It's amazing that he puts up with me, really.
Anyway. I have a job interview tonight. A lady from Hollywood Video called and said that I could come in anytime after six. I'm really hoping I get this job. I mean, aside from the fact that I have absolutely no money, I'm starting to get bored. I hate having nothing to do all day. I don't particularly like going to work, either, but at least it keeps me busy. So we'll see. I'm going to be optimistic for a moment and say that I think it sounds promising - maybe the positive thinking will make a difference. :)
-Amanda
back & forth
Wait, there's more!
I like pina coladas - March 30, 2005
must... finish... projects... - March 22, 2005
Mr. Postman delivers the good stuff - March 18, 2005
when everything is bad - March 16, 2005
of fruits and menstruation - March 15, 2005