August 06, 2002 :: 4:37 p.m.
who will you wait up for?
Hullo. I had to get up this morning at 5:30 and it was far from pleasant. Eck. But it hasn't been a bad day. It's gorgeous out - barefoot, rolling in the grass weather. Warm (not hot) and breezy and nice. Mmm. I wish it would stay this way, but in a few days it'll probably be 103 degrees and humid again. *dies*
Adam came to to visit me at work today. Have I ever mentioned that I have the best boyfriend ever? Because I really do. He makes me all warm and happy and stuff. Yay. *grins* He got me this CD, too, which was totally unnecessary but a nice surprise.
Ah. Anyway. I uploaded two drawings just now. One is a picture that I drew about a month ago and just colored last night, and the other is a colored version of the cute little scarf-wearing girl I uploaded the other night. I rather like how she came out, actually. I'm not all Divine Master of the Markers, but for some reason I can't stop trying to be. Alas. I've found that they work much better (for me, anyway) on fabric than on paper. The edges are less harsh.
I talked to Roy at work today, and my official "last day" is the 17th. It's definite now. Which scares the hell out of me because that means that what happens on the 24th is definite, too. Why does this freak me out so much? Honestly. There's no reason for me to be like this. It's not as if I'm all attached to my family and my town. I'm the first of my siblings (all 6 of them) to go to college. I get to further educate myself and be close to Adam at the same time. From what I can tell, my roommate doesn't seem like a hideous beast. Aside from the fact that I'm going to owe the loan companies my first and second born children (heh, no consequence there, I don't want them anyway), there are no big issues here. *sighs* I guess it just doesn't feel right. My mom was talking about the money aspect of it last night, and it just made me feel horrible. We can't afford this. It's like one of those games in the Highlights magazines - what's wrong with this picture? What doesn't belong? Maybe I don't belong. Maybe I just wish I did, because I don't want to follow in the footsteps of everyone else in my family and end up stuck in jobs that I hate for the rest of my life.
I don't know. I thought I had this all sorted out, but now it's coming back to bite me in the ass. Like everything else in my life. And it's not an enjoyable ass-biting, either, if there is such a thing. It's an ass-biting that makes you feel like someone cut the brakes of the car you're driving down the road of life in. You're entirely out of control and suddenly everything's rushing by so fast that you can't even decipher which way you should try to turn. Blah. I'm making myself all upset again. Must stop. Must think happy thoughts. Shake some pixie dust out of Tink's butt and maybe I can fly off to Neverland and forget about all this. Except I'd have to take Adam with me, because what fun would life be without him? Not much fun at all.
I need to find something to do with myself before I go crazy. More than I am already, even. Maybe I'll call Joe and see if he wants to come over or meet somewhere, because I don't feel like driving all the way back to Harrisburg. I'd see if Amanda's busy, but I've been getting the distinct impression that she's mad at me. So Joseph it will be, if he's willing. He called yesterday, but Mason didn't tell me until about 11 o' clock at night... nice of him, eh? Yeah, my family's really good at giving me messages. Only not.
back & forth
Wait, there's more!
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when everything is bad - March 16, 2005
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