December 10, 2001 :: 1:30 p.m.
whining about college
I'm bored. Very, very bored. I'm occupying myself at
The Princton Review website, going through page after page of college listings. I searched for schools that offer photography as a major, and now I've got this 910 school long list to deal with. I could just forget about it and go take a shower or start the self-portrait that I need for
Temple Tyler, but for some reason I feel compelled to finish going through this thing. If I don't do it now I'll just do it some other time anyway, so I may as well get it over with. I'm obsessive-compulsive like that; once I start something I have to finish it. Unfortunately, that quirk only applies to things that don't need to be done to begin with. If it applied to everything I'd be the most organized, productive person on the face of the planet.
But alas... no.
My problem with this whole college deal is that there are 436 million subjects I'd like to study. Unfortunately there isn't a "436 Million Different Things University," so eventually I'm going to have a make a choice. I'm very bad at decision-making. I've spent hours in Readings & Greetings picking out a card. I don't like deciding on one things, because that means I have to leave all the other things behind. When I think about spending the next four years of my life concentrating on one thing, I can't possibly imagine how I'll stay interested, let alone diligently focused. I suppose that really isn't such a valid concern, though, because everything I've considered interests me intensely; that's why I've considered it. I'm not going to run off and study engineering or quantum physics or geology. I hate math and science and rocks are boring.
*sigh* I always seem to lose my train of thought at the most inconvenient moments. Bottom line, I guess, is that while I do have a smidgen on direction, I'm far from sure about anything. Part of it is the location thing... I don't want to go out of state, but a lot of the colleges I'd like to go to are far away. California, Rhode Island, Maryland, Connecticut, New York. The one that's tempting me the most right now is The School of Visual Arts in NY. It all comes down to one question, I guess: Does my desire outweigh my reluctance? Do I want this badly enough to leave what I have here?
Honestly... I don't know. If I were just leaving my friends and family, I'd be fine. Most of my friends are off at school somewhere anyway, and I don't even particularly like my family. If they were the only bonds that I had here, I'd be gone in a heartbeat. But that isn't the case; there's something here that's so important to me that it stomps all over my thoughts of leaving. That thing would be, of course, Adam. At one point I even considered waiting until he gets out of school, and then going wherever... because he could come with me then. But then I realized how stupid and dependent that sort of thinking is. I don't want to wait another 4 years to start school. So although I definitely want to be starting school next fall, I'm rather positive that NY is out of the question. In my mind it is, at least, and I suppose that's all that really matters.
*laughs* God, this wasn't supposed to be so long. I'm going to take a shower.
-Amanda
back & forth
Wait, there's more!
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