April 05, 2003 :: 9:45 a.m.
Google hits
I get strange and amusing Google hits from time to time, and for a while I've been meaning to throw them together on a separate page for easy viewing. Because it's very bizarre that people actually search for these things, and I enjoy passing the bizarre onto you. Only the most perverse and confusing have been included, as someone searching for SSX Tricky isn't unusual or funny at all. Comments come at no extra charge.
cute bald mexican boys (I don't know any of these, sorry.)
tentacle porn (I do, however, know where you can find this. Unfortunately for you, that place is not here. Away with you.)
tentacle me (I can only cringe while imagining the type of person who would be searching for pictures/videos of him/herself being violated tentacle-style.)
zelda porn (I never have found any of this. Sad.)
pretty happy asian girl (Is there really any other kind?)
doctor gyno torture (This just frightens me. A lot.)
FUCK ME AMPUTEE (Three words: sit and spin.)
hair bun fetish (There really is a fetish for everything... )
the stripper song (I didn't know there was one single mandated song that strippers stick to. But okay.)
what do girl like (Girl like punctuation. Girl like capitalization. Girl like proper grammar and people who aren't illiterate morons spraying spittle everywhere.)
boy bulge (As opposed to girl bulge?)
tentacle girl (A girl with tentacles or a girl being fucked by tentacles? Because there's a big difference between the two.)
evil willow makeup (Why, exactly, would someone actually WANT to look like Evil Willow? Evil is the new black, baby. Veiny is all the rage.)
"forced to suck" (Thank you for sharing your small penis-induced rape fantasies with me. I do so appreciate it.)
"Fruit Punch Mouth" (Ah, The Master. No one else ever looked so threatening while sporting fruit punch mouth.)
busty fucking (Why doesn't anyone want to see flat-chested fucking?)
camper big tits (I'm sure you're only concerned about her safety should she fall into water of some kind and not searching for porn, right? Because the first thing that comes to mind when I read that is buoys.)
lesbian paint enemas (Er... )
comic girl fucked by dog (Dude, gross. Seriously fucking disturbing.)
EVIL KOALAS (Koalas are way too cute to be evil.)
Lesbian Betty & Veronica (I always wondered if they were fooling around on the sly. Apparently I'm not the only one.)
eating tampons (Used or new, and why, exactly?)
girl collar balls (There are just too many combinations to be made with these three words.)
"Get me some raw cookie dough, lest I perish" (Heh... )
suicide song:gloomy sunday (I love this song. I have about 12 different versions of it.)
zelda beanie hat (Do they make these? Because I would so buy one.)
"woman being electrocuted" (Thank you, death fetishist. It's good to know that crispy fried skin gets someone off.)
"little asian boys" underwear (I'd wear underwear with little cartoon asian boys on them, but somehow I don't think that's what this person was looking for. No, definitely not.)
pictures of asian girls in wet t shirts (Ahem. I love little asian girls. Please refrain from tainting my harmless and completely non-sexual affinity with gross and perverted wet t-shirt fantasies. Thank you.)
jerry springer girl pictures (Why would you want photographs the people who go on Jerry Springer?)
emily the goth girl (Emily my roommate is a girl who wishes she was goth. She's not, though, and it's very sad to watch her try and fail. It would be if I didn't hate her, anyway.)
underwear cock (A cock made out of underwear? Are you looking for some perverse craft ideas to keep you busy? No? Didn't think so. It's all about the engorged genetalia with you people.)
dog made out of pipe cleaners & yarn (I honestly cannot think of any way to turn pipe cleaners and yarn into an attractive representation of a canine. Nor can I come up with a believable reason and/or mental condition that would prompt me to try.)
back & forth
Wait, there's more!
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of fruits and menstruation - March 15, 2005